Zlatan Ibrahimovic Opts To Draw His Pension From Manchester United

Posted: June 30, 2016 in Football, Manchester United, Opinion


In the worst kept secret ever, Zlatan Ibrahimovic announced that he will be joining Manchester United next season. He kept everybody in suspense by not announcing it publicly even though everybody knew where he was going.

He will arrive in Manchester where his age will be verified by Ed Woodward, who has totally forgotten the policy whereby United don’t sign players over the age of 28. He will then set about strolling around the English and Welsh grounds trying his best to look interested whilst trousering enormous amounts of money on a weekly basis.

Having just returned from the Euros where he didn’t manage to look at all interested, scored precisely ZERO goals in three games and was eliminated, along with the rest of his team, at the group stage, he should be remarkably fit.

The French season will certainly have taken very little out of him and the same goes for the Champion’s League where PSG made their annual exit at the quarter final stage.

Fortunately for United he will arrive on a free transfer otherwise people who are not taking this transfer very seriously would be laughing even louder.

What can he actually bring to United? He has signed a one year contract, presumably to see if he can hack it in the Premier League and to see if the United fans still want him after a season of doing very little to justify his salary.

Of course some will be pleased with this signing. No doubt there will be an increase in shirt sales and some of the sponsors will be happy to see a big name arrival. I just think it seems more like another of Ed Woodward’s sponsorship deals rather than an actual signing of a world class footballer, which he certainly isn’t.

United’s recent record with big name signings has not been good. In fact it has been pretty pathetic. Angel Di Maria should never have been bought, Falcao was a disaster and Bastian Schweinsteiger is proving to be the injury prone midfielder in England that he was in Germany but, to be fair to Ed, they did sell a lot of shirts.

Who comes next? Neymar, Gareth Bale?

Why don’t United save a bit of money by sacking all of their scouts as they obviously don’t use them? Then they can concentrate on doing what Real Madrid have been doing for years, just signing the so-called “best players in the world”.

The problem with this strategy, of course, is that Real Madrid and Barcelona tend to get first refusal on these players so United have to wait until they either turn them down or buy them and then sell them.

It is also quite a dangerous strategy if big name players are being bought. Woodward, being from a marketing background, appears to look at how much money an incoming player will generate for the club, not how much better he will make the team. If the team continues to fail to reach the Champion’s League then the big name players will not go to United. It is a vicious circle and, at a club like United, success for the club and it’s fans is more important than the names of the players who wear the shirt.

When Zlatan starts wearing the shirt next season it is to be hoped that he is surrounded by a few world class players as United really need to challenge for the title. If he isn’t then another season of mediocrity can be expected and even the magic of Mourinho may not be enough to pull a rabbit from the hat.

  1. RedMe says:

    Is this a nightmare? He just showed how useless he has become in the Euro 2016 if anybody had any doubts. I believe you hit the nail Iain this is only a marketing deal, stuff again how the fans feel about it.


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