WHY SAY ANYTHING?

(Louis schools Gary in the art of good management, just in case he ever gets a manager’s job!)

It’s been a funny old week and it’s still only Thursday.

Gary Neville has upped sticks and done one to Valencia, where he will continue to speak a lot but, hopefully at some stage, in fluent faultless Mancunian Spanish.

He will learn to enjoy paella in the home of paella and he will become a connoisseur of fine wine. If he has any time left after all this, he will pop in to the Mestalla to see how little brother is getting on with the football team.

He will lead Valencia to La Liga title in his first and only season and will be given the freedom of Valencia for his efforts.

He will then return to take charge of England after the Euros, whence he will
successfully qualify for and win the 2018 World Cup, wherever it may be. On his return to English soil he will be met at the airport by the Queen who will knight him on the spot.

After this, feeling relatively fulfilled, he will return to Sky Sports to the relief of Jamie Carragher and Ed Chamberlin, who were running out of things to say.

Jurgen Klopp will win every away game with Liverpool by at least three goals to one, usually more. He will lead them to fourth in the table successfully achieving a shot at qualifying for the Champion’s League next season, which Liverpool will fail to do when beaten by an unknown team from Azerbaijan.

He will develop his scouse accent with help from Liverpool’s most famous German impersonator, Freddie Starr. Then he will turn down the Germany national team job in favour of staying on Merseyside, where he has redecorated Brendan Rodgers’ old flat and made it much more like home by inviting a few Borussia Dortmund fans over on a student exchange programme.

The purging of FIFA continues unabated with another two representatives being arrested at the same five star hotel in Zurich as the others. Apparently, the police just sit outside now and wait for them, a bit like bears wait for the salmon to swim into their mouths. Alfredo Hawit of Honduras and Juan Ángel Napout of Paraguay will be charged with something or other and will receive the customary slap on the wrist and told to behave themselves in future.

FIFA suits have come up with some new rules apparently and now, the elected ones, (or chosen ones, as they prefer to be known), only have twelve years in which to make their fortunes, not a lifetime as before. So they will have to get better at this bribery and corruption lark.

All this news already this week, how do we cope with it?

Who has been the main beneficiary of the spotlight shifting to the previous three subjects? Go on have a guess! Yes, you’re right! King Louis of Orange has been flying under the radar all week thanks to the antics of Gary, Jurgen and the FBI.

He has managed to manage Manchester United without having to manage awkward questions about how tedious his training routines are. By the way, for any complaining football players out there, the clue is in the name, training ROUTINE. A routine isn’t meant to be anything other than repetitive and boring.

He has also managed to avoid being asked about why his team is less exciting than George Graham’s Arsenal side, whether he feels under pressure from Pep Guardiola and if he accompanied Paul Pogba to Wings restaurant and attempted to tap him up.

Louis, in these respects has had an excellent week. He has been left alone to get on with the job. There have been other, more interesting things to discuss. Unfortunately, as he will find out next week, these “more interesting” things were very short term so it’s back to the monotonous questions first thing on Monday morning.

He will be ready because, if he’s honest about it, he doesn’t like being out of the spotlight.