Carlo Ancelotti is going to Bayern Munich where, after succeeding as usual, he will be fired as usual. He will probably win the treble but, because he is cursed, he will still be fired.

At two of his previous clubs he has a record which most managers would be proud to have. He was fired from his job as Chelsea manager having won the League and FA Cup double and, at Real Madrid, he was fired having won the Champion’s League. So he could be considered either a trifle unlucky or a loser for only winning the top trophies and none of the lesser ones.

Sympathy is not a feeling too much in evidence when it comes to highly paid football managers losing their job. Particularly when you consider that the top ones will almost certainly walk straight into another one.

So what will be the chain of events this time, I don’t hear you ask?

Well, kicking things off was Chelsea’s decision to sack Jose Mourinho. This immediately raised the possibility of Ancelotti returning to Stamford Bridge as Abramovich realised that, having won the double in a prior appointment, he may not be such a bad manager.

To scotch this rumour, mainly because it wasn’t true, Pep Guardiola released a statement that he would leave Bayern Munich at the end of the season. This was immediately followed by Bayern Munich releasing a statement to say that Carlo Ancelotti would be succeeding him.

If you are still following, this means that Ancelotti won’t be going to Chelsea. They will have to make do with Diego Simeone who, as far as I know, does not want to leave Atletico Madrid.

Pep Guardiola will probably go to Manchester City as he has a ready-made card school just waiting for him. Txiki Begiristain and Ferran Soriano have already ordered a new pack!

This means that Manuel Pellegrini, who has done nothing wrong in all this and is, in fact, merely an innocent bystander, will find himself out of work. He will also discover that sympathy is not a feeling too much in evidence, but it won’t bother him. He will console himself by counting his compensation. Then, after weighing up his options, he will take over at Valencia as Gary Neville returns to England without adding Spanish to his range of languages, which will remain at one.

Now everything is nearly in order. There is only Jose Mourinho wandering around jobless and he needs to find work fairly quickly as he has already informed the watching world that he doesn’t need a rest from disagreeing with everybody and he won’t be taking a sabbatical from insulting everybody, he just wants to work.

So the obvious needs to happen. Louis van Gaal, who just happens to have a villa in the Algarve, will vacate his position as manager of Manchester United to head off into the sunset with Mrs van Gaal. Whether he does this voluntarily or not remains to be seen. The United fans don’t really care and are quite happy to pay for his airfare, (providing that Ryanair have a suitable flight).

This will leave a gaping top-manager-shaped hole at Old Trafford, so who could fill it? How about Jose Mourinho? At least he should be the right shape!

I think that is everybody who is anybody in the managerial world. The next bridge to cross will be Rafa Benitez who will be fired shortly after Christmas and replaced by a cardboard cut-out of Jose Mourinho because the real one does not want to return.

In conclusion, I wish the best of luck to the likes of Garry Monk and Tim Sherwood because they both deserve to be managing football clubs. Again, they are far from being poor, but they cannot be as choosy as the other ones in this article until they have reached the same heady heights and, to achieve that, they must be given a chance somewhere.


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