WHY SAY ANYTHING?

In an attempt to get viewers in the mood for what was to come, Sky Sports decided to dedicate not one, but three whole days to events leading up to the closing of the transfer window.

Beginning on Monday, the 29th of August, all Sky Sports programs were entitled Transfer Centre for two days and then became Deadline Day on the Wednesday. This was quite strange when they waffled on about Tennis or Formula One but, because it was Sky, nobody really questioned it. Changing the perfectly normal to the totally idiotic is something Sky have become experts at over the years. Strangely, they still think that people are too stupid to notice, a despicable attitude which has always prevailed at Sky HQ.

Waxing lyrical about the possibility of a loan move that may happen but, then again, may not depending upon the player’s wife and pets, not to mention how much he likes his current next door neighbours, are all fair game for Sky to completely overstate the importance of a potential transfer.

Last season, you may remember, absolutely nothing happened of any note on the final day. This did not stop the manic Jim White from getting over excited every two or three minutes about……well…..absolutely nothing.

I have mentioned on many occasions how much Sky Sports is television’s equivalent of the Sun newspaper and the amount of viewers it attracts is one of the reasons for the comparison, as it far out performs the nearest competitor which, I suppose, would now be BT Sport.

The main reasons for the comparisons, however, are that it is particularly crass, devoid of any intelligent content, very simple to get into and out of without feeling as though anything has been missed and finally, for the money, is terrible value. The only thing missing is a crossword with two sets of clues, (in case your five year old child can’t understand the cryptic ones), both leading to the same answer, enabling anyone with an IQ of ten or more to be able to complete it in a little under five minutes.

Anyway, back to the “Transfer Deadline Day” or, as it is sometimes referred to, “Jim White Day”.

Throughout the course of the day the presenters will change. They will only change visually and the only really obvious changes will be when a male is replaced by a female or vice versa. Vocally they will all sound the same until six o’clock. They all possess whining, whingeing voices which, after a relatively short time, begin to annoy the viewer, certainly in my household where the TV is switched off regularly at the introduction of a different presenter.

At six o’clock, the even more annoying Jim White appears as Sky News’ answer to Elvis Presley or Frank Sinatra. He really plays the part of the superstar he most certainly isn’t. Wearing his yellow tie in sympathy with American families whose soldier sons/daughters have not yet returned from the Gulf War, he will be in our faces until the closure of the window five hours later.

Five minutes of Jim the Jock is enough for most people but five hours! Sky sure like to put their audience through the mill.

This window Jim will probably spontaneously combust meaning that Sky will need to find a replacement in time for January. What with clubs spending in excess of £1 billion, Manchester United breaking the world transfer record, Chelsea trying to sign another player they once sold and Manchester City trying to shift out all the dead wood in one day, poor old Jim may really have something to get excited about this time. It also appears that there may be some actual transfers so, judging by how he reacts when nothing is happening, this could be the end of him.

When all this is over and done with people will wake up tomorrow morning much as they do on Boxing Day. A feeling of anti-climax will prevail and depression will overcome the nation.

These feelings will quickly disappear however as soon as the nation switches on it’s TV again to see that Sky Sports News HQ is still there and is now turning it’s attention to it’s unbelievably exciting and unmissable, exclusively live coverage of the World Gravy Wrestling Championships in Rossendale, Lancashire.

It’s good to know that all is well with the world!