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Danny Rose

As a Yorkshireman, Danny Rose has expressed a desire to play “up north” again at some stage of his career. He cites the fact that he could see his mother more often, which is nice.

Having noticed that Pep Guardiola has already bought all the full backs he is likely to need for the foreseeable future, he has expressed a wish to go to Manchester United or Chelsea.

Now Geography was never our strong subject but, and we have checked this with Google, Chelsea is not “up north“. So either Danny is worse at Geography than we are, or he is just using these two clubs as an example of the calibre of team he feels should buy him.

He has also stated that he is quite happy to stay at Spurs providing Daniel Levy starts listening to him and doing as he’s told. A good start would be by giving him the big pay rise he thinks he deserves and then buying the quality players he thinks should be at White Hart Wembley.

As those two things are about as likely as Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un sharing a few anecdotes around a campfire, we would hazard a guess that Rose will be allowed to leave, particularly if Luke Shaw is sent in the opposite direction.

The problem here is not what was said but where and to whom it was said. These are concerns which should have been voiced to the manager and in private, something that, if Rose gets his wish, will no doubt be explained to him by either Antonio Conte or José Mourinho.

Transfer Window Dilemma Solved

Liverpool are not a selling club. Who says so? Jürgen Klopp himself, that’s who! So it must be true.

The problem is that recent history tends to prove him wrong. Without going to the trouble of googling all the players who have left, we can think of Fernando Torres to Chelsea, Luis Suarez to Barcelona and Raheem Sterling to Manchester City without breaking into a sweat.

In a characteristic display of ambiguity Klopp has also said that every player has his price so maybe Barcelona just haven’t reached the required amount of moolah to get their man yet! Anyway, just to test the resolve of Klopp and FSG and in what was reported as “massive, massive news” by Sky, Coutinho has handed in a transfer request.

How strange, a latino wanting to play in Spain, for one of the biggest clubs in the world alongside Messi and Suarez, having to live in Barcelona where the climate will be much more to his liking and speak a language much closer to his own. A club where he will be paid more money and stand a far greater chance of winning medals. That really is massive, massive news! (and so unexpected, yawn, yawn).

Why are Sky presenters so incredibly moronic? It has to be part of the job description.

Arsene Wenger has said that Arsenal are “no longer a selling club“. This is a far more reasonable, (and possibly more accurate), statement than those he kept repeating just before he sold the likes of Nasri, van Persie and Fabregas. Then he was quite happy that Arsenal “weren’t a selling club” and “would keep their best players.”

So the answer to all of this confusion, rumour-mongering, mis-information, truths, half-truths and plain old lies that is the transfer window is to accept that no club in the world is a selling club. This way no players will ever be for sale. End of transfer window and all the rubbish that it entails. No need to thank us, consider it part of the service.

Zlatan Ibrahimović

Sweden’s most famous export continues to defy the normal and unwritten laws of football. He will be 36 in October which is an age well past the normal finishing post for a top footballer, particularly one who is the main striker at whichever club he is playing for. Just look at Wayne Rooney, burnt out at 29!

Yet here he is, recovering from a serious, long term injury and still attracting interest from Manchester United and AC Milan amongst others. This, when considering that United have just signed a new main striker for around £90 million, is remarkable and says a lot about his dedication and commitment to the game.

We expect him to sign a new short term contract at Old Trafford before going on to climb Everest, take over as the new Doctor Who and become the first Swede to walk on the Moon.

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