Do The Top Six Have New Year’s Resolutions? You Bet They Do And Here They Are!

Posted: January 2, 2018 in Arsenal, Chelsea, European Football, Football, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Opinion, Premier League, Tottenham Hotspur
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602 Arsenal

AW

Going into 2018 and Arsenal fans are now roughly a quarter of the way through their sentence of having to put up with Stubborn Old Man for two years longer than they had hoped.

His resolutions however, should be music to their ears. He WILL try and win Big Vase despite his reluctance to accept promotion to Big Cup if he does so. He will also try and finish in the top four, (just in case plan A fails), and have a go at winning the FA Cup and the Carabao Cup.

What won’t be music to the lugholes of said fans is the fact he will fail on all counts. This is a catch 22 because, by winning nothing, he may be tempted to stay on and correct this oversight. If, however, he does manage to win a trophy then he may, flushed by success, decide that the club now needs him more than ever.

Good luck with that one however it turns out!

630 Chelsea

AC

Antonio Conte’s resolution is to get back to Italy at the end of the season. Before he can do that however, he has to show that he is good enough to attract the interest of the big boys in his homeland.

He feels that by reaching the knockout stages of the Champion’s League, where his team will be comfortable losers to Barcelona, probably the final of the Carabao Cup where he will lose to Manchester City, a decent run in the FA Cup and third in the Premier League, then his phone will be ringing off the hook, (what DOES that mean?).

Some Chelsea fans will actually be glad to see him go but be warned; what you have is often better than what you will get.

676 Liverpool

JK

This is an easy one for Jürgen Klopp. He vows to have his team defending better than last year. That shouldn’t be too difficult a resolution to keep as it would be hard to be worse!

The addition of Virgil van Dijk should be a major assist to him achieving his goal providing he settles in like Mo Salah as opposed to Dejan Lovren, who is STILL settling in.

If he wants the fans to take him seriously in his efforts then Klopp really has to buy a decent goalkeeper, unless he thinks that, having finally bought van Dijk, he now has a defender capable of preventing the ball ever reaching his hapless stopper.

679 Manchester City

PG

Pep Guardiola wants Vincent Kompany to finally get himself fit and stay that way for a while, or at least until the end of the season. Or he may want to buy a new centre back. Or he may be confident that, with Otamendi and Stones starting and Mangala, who is OK as a backup, sitting on the bench, he can get by with what he has.

He may want Alexis Sánchez, or he may think that Sergio Agüero can lead the line on his own for the month they will be without Gabriel Jesus. He doesn’t really know and it doesn’t really matter!

By the time he finally works out what his resolutions should be City will have won the Premier League, the Carabao Cup and may have even lifted the Champion’s League and the FA Cup.

Time for Pep to start planning for next season.

680 Manchester United

JM

José Mourinho wants a change of luck. He thinks all his woes are down to bad luck. Or marginal refereeing decisions, or childish decisions made by his players or even Manchester City buying full backs for strikers money.

Anything but him. He is not to blame. Not in any way, shape or form. He just gives Mr. Ed a list of players to buy. Mr.Ed usually delivers about 75% of the list then José either picks them or marginalises them.

Consequently, he needs to spend around £300 million to ensure that at least two of the new players he brings in will actually make the grade and become first team regulars.

So his resolutions are to spend, spend, spend and then find out whose fault it really is.

Spurs Tottenham Hotspur

MP

Pobre Mauricio! He has to try and hang on to Harry Kane and Dele Alli amid reported interest from teams who can actually afford to pay them the going rate.

Real Madrid, allegedly, want Kane and will, allegedly, offer Bale as part of the deal. Bale, however, is unlikely to agree to take a pay cut of around 60% just because dastardly Daniel Levy is tight.

He has also said, on numerous occasions, that he wants to stay in Madrid until he learns Spanish and fight for his place, which is looking more and more like a lost cause.

So Pochettino has a couple of resolutions which are to try and keep his best players whilst simultaneously persuading Dastardly Dan to let him have some spends.

We hope your team gets everything they deserve and more. All the best for the New Year, have a good one!

From all of us to all of you.

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Comments
  1. Tristian Fail says:

    “…until he learns Spanish…”.

    Love that!

    Liked by 1 person

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